Tips for Parents
Assisting Emotionally Distressed Students
Students who are having emotional problems often approach faculty and staff for help. Centenary's Counseling Services developed and emailed a guide to faculty and staff that provides helpful information about identifying and assisting students who are experiencing problems on a personal level. The guide also is available on Counseling Services' website (in the top left hand corner).
Director of Counseling Services, Tina Feldt, shared: "Centenary is a caring community. Thanks to all faculty and staff who have taken the time to work with our students who have faced challenges in their personal lives."
Questions? Please contact Tina at 318-869-5466 or 318-869-5424.
Tracking Their Academic Progress - Questions to Ask
By: Dr. Melva Turner Williams, Associate Provost of Centenary College
1. Are you attending all of your classes regularly?
2. Are you studying at least 30 hours a week?
2 hours for every 1 hour of courses (ex: 15 hours=30 hours study time)
3. Have you been to the Student Resource Center?
View the tutoring schedule online at www.centenary.edu/src
Coordinator of the SRC (2nd Floor Magale Library)
*Students can even message her on Facebook for an appointment!
4. Are you reviewing all class material (such as reading assignments, lecture notes, and quizzes) on a weekly basis?
5. Do you know the important calendar dates, such as end of add/drop, withdrawal deadline, and next semesterís course registration date?
6. Are you starting your assignments early?
7. Have you met with your advisor?
8. Have your visited your professors during their office hours?
9. Have you arranged tutoring sessions for your more challenging classes?
10. Have you formed or joined a study group?
11. Are you scheduling personal time?
When College Students Come Home
Author: Western Kentucky University's Counseling Office, 2006
Centenary's Director of Counseling Services, Tina Feldt, recommends the following article to parents regarding preparing for and dealing with students returning home for the holidays. Questions? Please contact Tina Feldt at 318-869-5466 or 318-869-5424.
It may seem like yesterday you were helping your son or daughter move in a residence hall or apartment. Maybe you were worried and offered a prayer to the powers that be for your child to have a successful semester. Now the semester is coming to an end and a new challenge faces you; he or she is coming home.
For most families the return of a student for the holidays can be a fun time to catch up on what everyone has been doing and to admire how your son or daughter is becoming more independent and mature. For some families, however, the holidays can become difficult times with parents and children fighting about control and respect. Children may want the same independence they had at school and parents may want the same dependence the children had in high school. Each may see the others demand as unreasonable and disrespectful.
Hopefully college students and parents will keep in mind that holidays are about family and not who has the power. Each should be open to making changes in their plans for the holiday to maintain the connections of family.
Recommendations for parents
- If you want to be seen as an admirable parent, act like one. Greeting your son or daughter at the door with a list of rules, demands, or criticisms are not admirable behaviors.
- Understand that while you are important, you have always been there for your sons and daughters, so it is natural for them to want to see friends first. Donít get in the way of visits with friends, but let your son or daughter know you want to spend time with them too. You might even plan a meal or activity that includes friends.
- Donít think the old rules need to stay in place, and try to avoid the temptation to pamper or baby your sons and daughters. If you clean up after them they will come to expect it. True, they may need a day or two to unwind and catch up on sleep, but they are more mature now so let them show off. There is nothing wrong with a curfew, but talk about it first. If you did a good job raising them, then they will be able to handle bigger responsibilities. One suggestion is to skip the curfew time but ask that they let you know where they will be and have them call if they change their plans. Your son or daughter cannot grow up if you keep a tight leash.
- Understand that from this point on your relationship with your children should be based on mutual respect, not control. Your children are most likely worried that you think they are not mature, and they may have annoying ways of showing you they can handle themselves. Respect them and show them they turned out okay.
- All children will seem a bit different when they come home, but severe changes could indicate that something is wrong. Find a quiet time to talk with your child, tell him or her what you are seeing that is different and ask what has happened over the semester. Your son or daughter may think he or she should handle problems without your help. None of us get through life on our own. Even parents need to talk to their parents. Keep your questions short; donít ask for details just help your son or daughter get the words out.
- Take some time before everyone gets together in the same room and think about what you want to do over the holidays. Donít try to plan it all at once, but take a nice, calm, and slow start at hearing what everyone wants to do. You might want to sit down with some snacks, or a meal, and make some lists of all the possibilities and options, take a break, finish the meal, and then come back to the list later on.
- Be sure to plan some time when everyone is together and do plan some time to be apart. Mom and Dad need their husband and wife time, sons and daughters need their time with friends. Everyone could probably use some private time too.
We have talked a bit about coming home, so we should probably talk some about going back to school. Leaving for college can stir up strong emotions of excitement and sadness. Parents and kids alike may have trouble saying good-bye. It is hard for a son or daughter to be excited about being in college if Mom or Dad is sobbing at the door as the car pulls out of the drive. But kids do like to know they are missed. This is a good time for families to start giving hugs if they have not done so before. Your son or daughter needs to know you admire them no matter how old he or she is. All of us are more willing to take risks if we know we have a safety net. Parents have been and may continue to be the safety net for children in college, but guess what, college students can now begin to be safety nets for parents.
This is a time of great excitement and anxiety for parents and college students. Celebrate both emotions; they go well together.